Traffic and Self Worth

 
So, I have Google Analytics installed on my blog. I don’t think that would actually surprise anyone, I mean, I do like keeping track of how many people are coming to visit and where from. It can also tell me how “popular” my blog is in the sense of percentages. It will also share with me how long people stay on a page. And, it tells me where y’all show up from (link on another blog, facebook, etc.) It’s handy, definitely.
What’s not handy about it is how I start to value those numbers on the analytics homepage.I obsessively check them to see how many people looked at my blog. And I start to wrap my value as a writer, thinker – as a person – into it. And that’s not okay. 
It’s not okay, because I’m truly not my analytics numbers. I’m more than that. My self-worth and my identity are not tied to how many unique visitors I receive or how many comments or whatever.
Now, I would like to say that it’s way easier to write that then to believe it. When I want my corner of the world to be important, I sometimes let those gremlins slip in and tell me that I’m not good enough because I don’t have enough traffic. 
But here’s the thing, gremlins – the people who are coming, are people who love and care about me. And that’s what matter.
  • Camie

    I wonder what would happen if you took a 30-day hiatus from Google analytics. How might your freedom of expression blossom (or whither)? Increased or decreased depth of vulnerability / authenticity? People pleasing in your blog? What might emerge if you chose to remove any possibility of quantifying your impact?

  • Heather

    I like Camie's thoughts…

  • Bonnie Minardi

    Oh Nicole, you are so much more than the stats. Your honesty touches my heart. I think all of us sometimes look for validation from others. Me, I'm an expert at it. The good news is that you are aware of it. I too think you should take a vacation from Google stats. Just do it to express yourself. Sending you love, bonnie

  • Nicole

    Thank you all. I think I will take a hiatus from analytics. A month sounds like a good plan.

    Thank you for the challenge, and for the encouragement. 🙂