Shame Triggers

Shame triggers are situations, comments, or comparisons that can cause each of us to fall into a spiral of shame – activating our sense of not being good enough and not belonging. These triggers are unique to each person and can come from any number of sources internally, from our family of origin, or from society. 
I have many shame triggers. One of my triggers is writing. I love writing. I love putting my words on paper (or in a word processor) and emptying my brain. It’s really helpful for me. And, I love sharing most of it on this blog.
But. 
But. 
My trigger is within grammar and spelling. Also, word choice. I try to be very conscious of how I spell and use grammar, though I recognize that I also have my own special way of saying things. 

So, this morning, when I looked at facebook and a really good friend of mine wrote, under my link to yesterday’s blog, “I’m grateful that I can spell ‘gratitude'”….. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. In my original title, I spelled “gratitude” as “gratiude“.

When my shame is triggered, I don’t really get angry or defensive, I get sad. I get deeply embarrassed and deeply sad. And if it happens in the morning, like today, it colors the entirety of my day. It may not be a bad day, but the shame crawls in during strange moments, colors my face red, and makes me feel more than awful. 
And that was my day. 
  • Camie

    For what it's worth, I didn't even notice the mis-spelling until I read the comment. But yes, writing is a deeply personal act, and it is easy to feel defensive when you are so vulnerable.

    Might I suggest you review Brown's (2010) Guideposts 1 and 2? (Letting go of what people think; Letting go of perfectionism.) They might serve as important reminders in your journey to whole-hearted living, friend.

    And, sometimes a typo is just a typo. <3

  • Nicole

    Thanks Camie.
    I do need to re-read it. I've loaned my copy to someone though. <3