Change is difficult.
I’m not very good with it. Actually, if we’re being honest, I am pretty terrible with it. And I’m terrified of it.
I know that this isn’t unusual… most people have a hard time with change. But for me, the “hard time” involves my world being rocked and my being shaken to the core. It often leaves me feeling like the wind has been knocked out of me and that everything would be better with the doors closed and me hanging out in a corner all by myself, with my heart locked up in a little box where change can’t touch it.
But, I had an epiphany the other day which is slowly taking shape in my soul.
What if instead of getting better, I just be.
I don’t mean just “be better.” Change isn’t hard for the hell of it. It’s hard because it’s challenging and it has the potential to crush me.
No, I mean: Just. Be.
Just experience the change and see what happens. Don’t be a bystander, be a participant.
Starting my PhD program was a change. Getting married was a change. Taking a photography class was a change. Opening my heart to new relationships was a change. And each of those changes have been beautiful. Each have made me a better person.
So, my goal today — because this is a day-at-a-time thing — is to not aim to get better.
My goal is to just be.