Early Saturday Morning Conversations

Me: Satan made The Period.

Chet: Why do you say that?

Me: Well technically it was God.

Chet: Again, why?

Me: Well Satan made Eve eat the apple who in turn made Adam eat the apple. Well, he choose to but, whatever. Then God was all, “Satan, you’re a punk, and Eve you have to have kids now. And periods.” So I suppose God did it.

Chet: What was God’s plan for procreation prior to the apple? Just keep Adam and Eve around forever?

Me: Probably. I’m sure He had a tattoo that said, “Adam and Eve 4 Life!” He had to have it removed.

Chet: It’s God. He probably just blinked it out of existence.

Me: Right.

Contentment

Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.
Lao Tzu

My word for 2011 was Gentle.

I held that word in my heart as I navigated school and work. I meditated on it as I slipped between consciousness. I attempted to keep it at the forefront of my mind when I would start my anxiety spirals.

And it was lovely.

I was dubious of this experience. I thought that it was grand to have a word in your head but how would it actually translate into real life? But it did. As I look back over the year, I am impressed at how that simple word, carried in my heart, affected me.

So, as 2012 rolled around, I thought about what word did I want to help define my year. I knew I was walking into a year which would be challenging. I am at a turning point in my program, getting closer to finishing. I am also feeling more protective of my relationships, and less open to change (though that change is a tricky beast). I am also working on my life list, specifically thinking about our finances.

It’s a big year with changes and excitement as well as sadness and challenges.

Thus, when I was cycling through words in my mind and heart, contentment jumped out at me. It truly spoke to me, stating that this was my word.

Contentment, defined, means: the state of being contented; satisfaction; ease of mind.

I like contentment because of the action sound it has. The fact that it seems as if this is a decision which me make, to be content. To live in a state of contentment, rather than just being.

I’m working it out. I roll this word around in my head most days and try to understand what this even means, because it’s not as simple as being gentle with myself. It’s a challenge to find contentment, but one which I am happy to begin.

And then we built a mantel.

This week, my mister and I built a f*cking mantel.

For real y’all. Not just hung a shelf and called it good. We created a full blown mantle (mantel?) with a lovely place for candles so I can pretend we have a fireplace. Oh, and we have somewhere to hang stockings, now, too.

See?

So yeah. We’re feeling like pretty hot sh*t right now. As we should be.

I’ll do a post about that experience (because it was an awesome-doozy) soon.

I’ll also write about my word for the year, my new 365, and other stuff.

For now, I am off to write a short paper and then probably sleep.

xoxo

Just Be

 

Photo By: sxseventy on instagram

Change is difficult.

I’m not very good with it. Actually, if we’re being honest, I am pretty terrible with it. And I’m terrified of it.

I know that this isn’t unusual… most people have a hard time with change. But for me, the “hard time” involves my world being rocked and my being shaken to the core. It often leaves me feeling like the wind has been knocked out of me and that everything would be better with the doors closed and me hanging out in a corner all by myself, with my heart locked up in a little box where change can’t touch it.

But, I had an epiphany the other day which is slowly taking shape in my soul.

What if instead of getting better, I just be.

I don’t mean just “be better.” Change isn’t hard for the hell of it. It’s hard because it’s challenging and it has the potential to crush me.

No, I mean: Just. Be.

Just experience the change and see what happens. Don’t be a bystander, be a participant.

Starting my PhD program was a change. Getting married was a change. Taking a photography class was a change. Opening my heart to new relationships was a change. And each of those changes have been beautiful. Each have made me a better person.

So, my goal today — because this is a day-at-a-time thing — is to not aim to get better.

My goal is to just be.